[This is a letter claimed to be sent by the Tie Liberation Organization in 2001. It is unconfirmed whether it was actually the T.L.O.]
COMMUNIQUE
TO : mathNEWS, Math Students and all Students and Staff
FROM : T.L.O. (Tie Liberation Organization)
SECURITY CLEARANCE : General
RE : MathSoc is Hiding it From You
The Government is hiding it From You!
Yes your Math Student Society is concealing the truth. A short while ago, Pinky and Fuchsia (the two smaller ties) called the Tie Liberation Order (TLO) requesting a bit of a break from the dreaded (not to mention dull) suitcase they are stored in. The TLO responded by assisting them in gaining their freedom. Have no fear; both are happy and safe. They are getting a well-needed break from being rolled up. The TLO believes it is the Students’ right to know about the Ties and their excursions in the real world.
END OF COMMUNIQUE
———————————————-
This letter was published in mathNEWS on March 2, 2001
[This is part 1 of a letter, claimed to be sent by the Tie Liberation Organizationin 1997. It is unconfirmed whether it was actually the T.L.O.]
COMMUNIQUE
TO: Math Orientation Committee
FROM: T.L.O (Tie Liberation Organization)
SECURITY CLEARANCE: Advanced
RE: Mathsoc’s Missing Mascot
On Monday November 14th, 1988 between 0200H and 0300H we, the T.L.O., did remove and liberate the Mathsoc mascot. We, as liberators, could not bear to see the Tie hanging in endless torment like a forsaken messiah. Our intentions are harmless, at least in a physical sense. We do not condone kidnapping and yet we could no longer watch this atrocity continue unchecked. We feel it is our duty to expose the Tie to things far greater than his sheltered life has allowed. His rigorous rehabilitation program consisted of deprogramming and reeducating him through the following devices: exposure to real life, women’s studies, guy language classes, boat racing and peelers, just to name a few. The first stop on the touring portion of his rehabilitation occurred in the “honeymoon capital”, Niagara Falls. He went to many places including Marineland. The Tie had a whale of a time. Kandu was his favourite. We, as members of the T.L.O., feel we should clear up a few misconceptions concerning the Tie. He was not “abducted”. He was crying out in anguish every day as we passed by, begging us to liberate him from his tormented state.
This of course is now ancient history to you. However, as some of you know, on September 27th, 1997 between 2000H and 2100H, the Tie fled once again from the tyranny of Mathsoc having received no wage increase since the early 1970’s. We knew nothing of his escape and subsequent adventures at that time. On June 17th of this year, being 1998, we, the T. L. O. executive, received a call from the Tie. He asked us to meet him at a trendy cafe in downtown Toronto. We were, of course, more than happy to do so. When we met him, he explained that he wished to ask a favour of us, being the only ones whom he trusted. the favour, as it turned out, was to arrange for his story to be returned to Mathsoc. What follows is what he told us that day in the cafe.
The Tie did not always live at Waterloo. In fact he does not even have Canadian citizenship, and has been living as an illegal refugee. He explained that he felt this was related to Mathsoc’s poor treatment of him, knowing he could not turn to the lawfor support. But we digress. The story begin back in the old country. The Tie grew up in a quaint mountain village, located in the Swiss Alps, whose primary industry was goat cheese. His father was pressuring him to take over the family business of yodeling at the local bar, but like all impetuous youths, the Tie wanted to see the world. So it was, that after promising his fiancee that he would send for her when he had made is fortune, the Tie headed out into the world. We, the T.L.O. were shocked and appalled at the information of a fiancee. We had never heard him mention her before and, furthermore, reminded him of his engagement to Kelly, a beautiful twenty-six, now thirty-six, year old Arts student he had picked up at Fed Hall during his liberation. He told us that he never really liked her work, she had taken a minor in Modern Canadian Pottery, and after a year had realized that it was simply his feeling of guilt at having left the true love of his life behind in the old country. We wanted to pursue the issue further, especially the time he had spent with Amber Dawn and the twelve other lubed-up vixens at the Doll House, but he assured us that all would become clear in the course of time.
He explained that after looking through classic western literature such as Cosmopolitan and Rolling Stone, that he would head west. The appeal of a place where everyone looked beautiful and even the most valuable possessions could be his for $19.99 was more than he could bear. Of course, coming from a poor family the Tie was forced to stowaway. He soon located a ship and, after bartered his favorite donkey, named Fred, for the first mate to look the other way while he slipped on board. He had been led to believe that the ship was merely going on a three hour tour to Britain, however the ocean started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed. If not for the skill of the fearless crew, they might never had managed to hit that iceberg.
[continued here]
[This is part 3 of a letter, claimed to be sent by the Tie Liberation Organization in 1997. It is unconfirmed whether it was actually the T.L.O.]
Part 1
Part 2
local park. Even this could not fill his need to escape himself however. He took a job as a stripper at a well known club in Ottawa. It wasn’t long before he was returning to his wild days and had picked up.
The Tie got laid. Although this is not his first time, we of the T.L.O. were delighted to see that he still remembered his classes after ten years of hanging around. We were however less then impressed with his lifestyle. One love-crazed woman after another fell to the persuasive power of the Tie. We knew from our experiences in 1988 that the Tie thinks he is, in his own words, an “amazing babe magnet”, “God’s gift to women” and that he is the “desired one”. We could see where this story was headed.
However it seems that he came about one day and realized that his womanizing was reckless and his drinking notorious. he also told us that he felt that that sort of lifestyle was leading to a premature death and decided to make a change. The Tie sought redemption for his lifestyle and decided to build a new life for himself. It was then that he decided to head to Toronto. He stopped off along the way for a quick bite to eat and to do some sightseeing.
When he got to Toronto, he had trouble getting work. It seems that many companies have reservations about hiring large pink ties. This did not break the Tie’s determination to rebuild his life. He began his short stint as a squeegee boy, after forcing his way into Spiff and Mac Daddy’s turf. He soon decided to submit a resume that listed him as being from the University of Waterloo. Within a month, he had his big break, working as an advertising executive in Toronto, and a teaching position on the side at U of T. After a couple months of working at this high paying position a new problem developed. It was then that he decided to callus. It seemed that he had met someone new. He wanted our advice on how to handle the situation. It seemed that he was worried that, even though he had cleaned up his life now, his past would come back to haunt him and ruin his chances. We, the T.L.O. told him that he should sit down and tell her what he told us. If she truly loved him, she would be able to see through all that to the Tie he was.
We are proud to report that two weeks later we, the T.L.O. executive, bore witness to the marriage of the Tie to his new wife. This almost completes our story but…
The Tie needs to know that he and his wife will be looked after by the students of the faculty and that they will treat him with pride. Call1-888-PINK-TIE. If you accept he will come home.
END OF COMMUNIQUE
[This is part 2 of a letter, claimed to be sent by the Tie Liberation Organizationin 1997. It is unconfirmed whether it was actually the T.L.O.]
Part 1
The Tie told a terrible tale of being adrift at sea for days before finally being washed up on the coast of a foreign land. A kindly lighthouse keeper spotted the tie, and, after nursing him back to health, informed him that he was in Canada.
Though many would have been downhearted in the face of this disaster, the Tie remained optimistic. The lighthouse keeper told him that if he wanted to make enough money to send for his fiancee, he should head to Ontario, possibly even get a University degree, and find work there. Thus the Tie continued his trek west. He decided on pursuing higher education, and hearing about a professor by the name of Ralph Stanton,
who had founded a faculty at the University of Waterloo, and his love of pink ties, the Tie headed there. However, shortly after being on campus, he was rolled for his OSAP money by several students, who, in a prank of unprecedented cruelty, hung him for the roof of the building. Many of these students were involved in a liberal political known only as the Society and, being delighted with their fiendishness, made a yearly pastime of this. He suffered until we liberated him a decade ago. At this point the Tie broke into his tears at the memory of his past. We ordered him another triple expresso and he soon regained his composure and continued.
It seems that the over the last ten years, his relationship with Mathsoc improved, but he also did a lot of thinking. He realized that he still cared for the Tie he had left behind and so, late last year, after another round of wage negotiations between Mathsoc and him broke down, he planned to escape and seek employment elsewhere. Patience paid off, and he was able to slip out unnoticed.
However, he shortly realized that though he had a basic understanding of social skills, thanks to the T.L.O’s rehabilitation program, he did not have any real world experience at finding a job. Remembering some of the destinations that we, the T.L.O., had taken him on his last excursion, such as the Giant Nickel, Ottawa and the Engineering Tool’s weight lifting room, he decided to start there. He quickly ruled out begging the Tool for a job, since he’d never hear the end of it. He also quickly discovered that the inflation in the last ten years had been greater than expected when he visited the Great Toonie.
This left Ottawa. He made plans to visit his local MP. He was warmly greeted at Parliament hill, and thanks to some help, a job interview was set up the next day fro him as a tour guide of the Ottawa region. The pay was not incredible, but the Tie enjoyed his work. His appeal to the people was genuine. His guy language classes helped his dealing with the men, and he explained that since he is pink, a sensitive and revealing colour, women know he is a man of the nineties. He could laugh, he could cry. He was in short, a Tie of the people.
Like all good things, this job couldn’t last forever and it was with a tearful goodbye that he returned his uniform at the end of the tourist season. He took up babysitting on the side, but soon felt that the kids he was sitting were just a bunch of pumpkin-heads anyway. He pulled out the tattered copy of his Guy Etiquette Handbook and sought help with the situation. He realized that he should try a more manly job. With winter approaching he knew just the thing. The company was pleased with him at first, but disagreements amongst the players meant that it wasn’t long until the Ottawa Senators also let him go. Feeling rather discouraged after this latest rejection, the Tie took a job as a dropcloth. we were shocked that he had had to resort to such a demeaning form of employment. Our faith was restored when the Tie told us that he had snuck a clause in his contract that gave him a 10 percent return on all projects he was affiliated with. When the OC Transport repainted it’s buses, the Tie claimed a ten percent cut of all transit fares, claiming it was his masterful skill that had allowed the painters to attract new patrons. After winning the case in court, the Tie was awarded $27,000 in royalties.
Finally, the tie had enough money to call home and send for his fiancee. We expected that this was the beginning of happy times, but the Tie slouched in his chair and starred off into space. After a moment he spoke again. It seemed that his fiancee had grown tired of waiting for him and had decided to seek love in the arms of a goat herder from a neighbouring village. The Tie quit his job that very day and began to spend his time in bars. As the money he had earned went down, so did the class of the establishment he visited. He soon had to find money just to support his drinking habit. He returned to his roots and took to gambling in the
[continued here]
However, the T.L.O. serves as a testimony to the fact that nothing is impossible and that one’s limitations are bounded only by the limitations of one’s imagination.
Before the Tie returned home to MathSoc, he met his arch rival, the Tool. The Tie and the Tool were still unable to resolve their debate about which faculty had done more for the benefit of mankind but their meeting was productive.
A contest was suggested to determine their superiority. The Tie suggested a match of chess however due to their time constraits, from their busy schedules, this was not practical. The Tool challenged the Tie to a bench press contest, secretly realizing his dominance in the sport (he used to be known as “the Ridgid One” back in his competition days). In a gesture of good will, the Tie accepted. After all, it isn’t who wins or loses that matters but how much fun you have, right?
Well, it turns out the Tie bowed out well under the 100lbs mark despite Kelly’s help. This was still a very respectable showing for the “Pink one” (weighing less than fifteen pounds).
The Tie’s proposed Peace Plan was accepted in principle by the Tool. The plan suggested an on going competition between the two faculties which would determine which one is superior. The arena of competition would include all faculties activities which are already existent. For example, in athletics, both faculties would be expected to prepare all-star teams which would play against each other. Each victory would be worth points towards the grand total. This would also include other activities such as boat racing, debating, chess, euchre, century club or any other activities where there is enough interest. All these points would be accumulated and an annual winner declared. No longer would there be any doubt about which faculty is best (not that there is any now).
Admission could be charged at large matches and the proceeds could be donated to local charities or to a special scholarship fund (supported solely by the challenge) so that others may experience U.W .. The two agreed this would help fight their mutual enemy, apathy. After a test period, the competition could be opened to other faculties. Although the talks didn’t remove the animousity between the two leaders, they both left with a strenghtened respect for the other.
END OF COMMUNIQUE
COMMUNIQUE
TO : MathSoc and Math Students and all Students and Staff
FROM : T.L.O.
SECURITY CLEARANCE : General
RE : A final Note and the Tie’s Peace Plan Revealed
The University of Waterloo is a great place, filled with interesting and exciting people. Academically, it is second to none. However, it is people which make the difference. Education comes in many forms and some of the most valuable learning experiences come through the interaction of people. One potential draw back to experiencing a full and rewarding education is apathy. Indifference and unconcern limits any learning experience. To overcome this, it is important to get involved, and become active. The experience of becoming part of a team or group has countless benefits. The responsibility of being depended on and the satisfaction of seeing one’s efforts converted into results are invaluable to one’s development.
However, it is very easy to become too focused and to get stuck in a grove. Homework, assignments, and small everyday problems can be distracting. People become occupied with their busy lives and time is hard to find. Before we realize it, time has passed us by. Our time here is precious and limited, so we must make sure that it is not wasted, no matter what we’re doing. It is important to take some time, even if its just a minute, to slow down, relax and enjoy life.
The T.L.O. noticed that the average student at Waterloo is under a great deal of stress. We also noticed that generally the campus can be a boring place. We realized that even a small event could pick people up. We felt that a project like that of liberating the Tie could help create a sense of faculty unity. We hoped that by using humour, we could make a difference to the mood on campus and hopefully we have.
It is unfortunate that “the Adventures of the Tie” went almost unnoticed by the students. It seems people became very uptight about the whole event even though it was intended to be harmless. It seems the media lost their nerve and that censorship dominated.
COMMUNIQUE
TO : John Vellinga, President of EngSoc B
FROM : T.L.O.
SECURITY CLEARANCE : Advanced
RE : Tie’s Participation in Parade
The T.L.O. wishes to contribute to the Tool’s on campus parade on March 10th by allowing the Tie to be returned MathSoc by the parading Engineers. We feel that this would be a mutually beneficial arrangement since it would allow the T.L.O. to remain anonymous while allowing the Engineers to receive any credit offered for his safe return. Since the T.L.O. is broadly based among three seperate faculties, the Engineers can’t be rightfully accused of the liberation. **You will be contacted later so that arrangements can be made to pick up the Tie.
END OF COMMUNIQUE
COMMUNIQUE
TO : MathSoc, Math Students and all Students and Staff
FROM : T.L.O.
SECURITY CLEARANCE : General
RE : The Tie’s Return To MathSoc
The T.L.O. has asked the Tie to attempt to patch relations with MathSoc so that he may return to his rightful home. We feel that the Tie’s rehabilitation is essentially complete and that he is ready to return. After a tearful discussion, he reluctantly agreed. **The T.L.O.’s founding directive and mission statement has always been to fight apathy at all levels and to encourage participation to help enhance campus life. In keeping with this, the Tie has revealed his own private Peace Plan. However, in order to insure it’s success we won’t disclose the details for another two weeks. **There is still no word from MathSoc on whether the Tie’s request for marriage to his loving girlfriend, Kelly, will be allowed. Although the Tie knows that MathSoc has no right to refuse or approve the marriage, he is kind of old-fashioned and wants their approval. **On Friday March 10th, 1989, the Tie will return to MathSoc. His return will be both a happy and sad day for the T.L.O.. We are sad to see such a good friend leave but we know that it is in his best interest, as he doesn’t quite fit in as an Engineer. We are also happy for him and proud of his progress. But alas, we won’t really be apart because his spirit will be with us always. **His return will be a public event. All are encouraged to come out and wish him well as he attempts to convert the Mathies into cool, hip reflections of himself.
END OF COMMUNIQUE
COMMUNIQUE
TO : MathSoc, Math Students and all Students and Staff
FROM : T.L.O.
SECURITY CLEARANCE : General
RE : A Born Again Tie
Well, what a difference a week makes!!! We, the T.L.O., were quite appalled at the Tie’s careless lifestyle. His womanizing was reckless and his drinking notorious. But after a long heart to heart talk, we were able to make amends. **He agreed that this sort of lifestyle was leading to a premature death and decided to make a change. **The T.L.O. is quite pleased at the progress he’s made. The Tie has a steady girlfriend now. He met her at Fed Hall. Her name is Kelly and she’s a beautiful twenty-six year old Art’s student. She currently majors in Dance but has a minor in Modern Canadian Pottery. She has already earned her Bachelor of Applied Science (BASc) in Electrical Engineering from Queen’s University but she was dissatisfied with her work and decided to return to school. The Tie informs us that she is indeed an Artiste and it appears that their relationship is solid. **We were able to convince the Tie not to transfer to the faculty of Engineering. We convinced him that there is nothing wrong with Math and that there are numerous areas where he could make progress for the advancement of mankind. Kelly seems to have had a positive effect on him in this regard because he is now working on a private Peace Plan of his own.
END OF COMMUNIQUE
